[a spell turns Salem blonde]
Salem : I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped 20 points!
Zelda : [pointing to each of the Spellman women] Blonde, blonde, blonde.
[points at Salem]
Zelda : Dead.
Zelda : Welcome home, sunshine! How was your day?
Sabrina : Here's a quick recap: There was boredom followed by dullness with a dash of echh!
Zelda : What's the matter?
Sabrina : What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.
Salem : At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!
Zelda : So that's your plan?
Vesta : Please, I don't plan! I scheme!
Salem : Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.
Zelda : I'm gonna write him a very stern letter.
Salem : You're a regular Mad Max aren't ya?
Zelda : So that was a dead end, but I think if we systematically retrace your steps over the last three months...
Hilda : [Interrupting] Sometimes I think you actually work at being annoying.
Zelda : No, not really.
Zelda : I think he's too young for me. He's so excited about the turn of the century.
Hilda : I know, really. I partied like it was 1699, 1799, 1899 - in 1999, I'm staying home.
Zelda : [Sabrina's going on a trip] Wear seat belts! Watch the road! Avoid ice! Don't pass on mountain roads!
Hilda : Have fun?
Zelda : That's implied.
Salem : Earthquake!
Zelda : But we're in Massachusetts.
Sabrina : [Looks out the window] Is that a beanstalk?
Salem : Beanstalk!
Zelda : He just needs to remember his childhood dreams. You know what? I am going out and get him a copy of 'What color is your parachute'
Hilda : Oh what a sweet idea.
[Zelda leaves]
Hilda : [to Sabrina] It will never work. You'd better use magic.
Zelda : Sabrina, you're not a rumpist, are you?
Sabrina : A rumpist? What's a rumpist?
Zelda : Someone who judges others by their rear ends.
Sabrina : No. OK, not usually.
Hilda : Ah ha! You were measuring behind my back. You were going to redecorate Sabrina's room without me!
Zelda : I didn't think you'd mind.
Hilda : Why not?
Zelda : Because you're a kind and giving person... And you have no taste.
Zelda : Okay... do you know where to call in case of an emergency?
Salem : THE MONEY STORE?
Zelda : Salem!
Salem : Yes... I've got your pager number.
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